The Joys & Challenges of Blending a Family
“You are my stepmom, not my mom” rings in my ear when the fights get heated. Life starts to hit me in the face, and everything I do just doesn’t seem enough.
I’m always fighting for my title. To be any form of a mom to a child you didn’t birth is a hard job. I can’t tell you one family that has said that blending a family is easy.
It’s REAL hard, and I will not lie and try to candy coat it.
Here’re two words that I can describe what’s mixed in a blended family.
Let’s start off with the good, is what my dad would say when I was about to tell bad news.
Being anyone’s mother or stepmom is pure joy. We are family. Step or real, when you walk into our house you will feel that we are a family. Those words I just typed, are just words. Step or real.
It takes a REAL woman to take someone else’s child under her wing and mother them. I can promise you I don’t STEP down on anything with him. If he were my REAL son, I would treat him the same way I do now.
What Sean and I pride ourselves with our family, is being a family. Giving our children what they need, and we will do anything for them to feel like this house is their home where they belong. We treat them both the same. Why wouldn’t we, they
are both our kids.
Whether it’s five days a week, every other weekend, or half the time. This is his home.
We find joy at the dinner table, where we laugh at each other and talk about our day. We go to the parks and run around. Spend nights in bed before bedtime tickling, cuddling, and goofing off.
Vacations, talking and hugging bring joy to all of us. What brings me joy as a
stepmom is seeing my stepson and I get closer every year that passes. He is trusting
me. He is letting his walls down. But, he is starting to let me teach him, and to me, that is one of my jobs as a parent.
As a mother, I have the same feelings. I think mother or stepmother; it ‘s all the same. You fall in love with a child, and you glow when they succeed, you melt when you love on them, and you get hurt when they hurt.
It’s all the same.
Oh, the challenges. Let’s just say there are some difficulties in blending a family. As my stepson has gotten older, the challenges have increased. He has a voice now, and he has an opinion.
So co-parenting- Two families trying to parent a child or children. You have a child/children you need to parent together in different homes. You can’t see everything that happens, and you have to agree on everything. Yikes, that’s a VERY hard job to blend. Some days are smooth sailing, and other days it’s a rough storm to weather.
We do it, but it’s not easy. We have our shares of disagreements, difficulties in wanting the same thing, and different rules.
We talk it out, and sometimes we just can’t work it out.
At the end of the day, all those fights and disagreements are for the children. You have to put your personal feelings, wants, and issues aside.
We have learned we need to be on the same page. If we are on different pages, it just doesn’t work.
I always describe blending a family is like making a milkshake. You put all the
ingredients in the blender, and sometimes it blends smooth and other times it has chunks in it.
Blended family=A smooth and bumpy road
But the other day, when my stepson came home from his moms. He gave me the biggest hug, I mean he squeezed my ribs so hard. When he let go, he looked at me and said “I missed you” and then all those hard times melted away.
Those three words filled up my heart.
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