The Joys & Challenges of Blending a Family

“You are my stepmom, not my mom” rings in my ear when the fights get heated. Life starts to hit me in the face, and everything I do just doesn’t seem enough.

Blended family=A smooth and bumpy road
“Blended family=A smooth and bumpy road”

I’m always fighting for my title. To be any form of a mom to a child you didn’t birth is a hard job. I can’t tell you one family that has said that blending a family is easy.

It’s REAL hard, and I will not lie and try to candy coat it.

Here’re two words that I can describe what’s mixed in a blended family.

Let’s start off with the good, is what my dad would say when I was about to tell bad news.

Joy

Being anyone’s mother or stepmom is pure joy. We are family. Step or real, when you walk into our house you will feel that we are a family. Those words I just typed, are just words. Step or real.

It takes a REAL woman to take someone else’s child under her wing and mother them. I can promise you I don’t STEP down on anything with him. If he were my REAL son, I would treat him the same way I do now.

What Sean and I pride ourselves with our family, is being a family. Giving our children what they need, and we will do anything for them to feel like this house is their home where they belong. We treat them both the same. Why wouldn’t we, they

"I always describe blending a family is like making a milkshake. You put all the ingredients in the blender, and sometimes it blends smooth and other times it has chunks in it."
“I always describe blending a family is like making a milkshake. You put all the ingredients in the blender, and sometimes it blends smooth and other times it has chunks in it.”

are both our kids.

Whether it’s five days a week, every other weekend, or half the time. This is his home.

We find joy at the dinner table, where we laugh at each other and talk about our day. We go to the parks and run around. Spend nights in bed before bedtime tickling, cuddling, and goofing off.

Vacations, talking and hugging bring joy to all of us. What brings me joy as a

stepmom is seeing my stepson and I get closer every year that passes. He is trusting

me. He is letting his walls down. But, he is starting to let me teach him, and to me, that is one of my jobs as a parent.

As a mother, I have the same feelings. I think mother or stepmother; it ‘s all the same. You fall in love with a child, and you glow when they succeed, you melt when you love on them, and you get hurt when they hurt.

It’s all the same.

Challenges

Oh, the challenges. Let’s just say there are some difficulties in blending a family. As my stepson has gotten older, the challenges have increased. He has a voice now, and he has an opinion.

So co-parenting- Two families trying to parent a child or children. You have a child/children you need to parent together in different homes. You can’t see everything that happens, and you have to agree on everything. Yikes, that’s a VERY hard job to blend. Some days are smooth sailing, and other days it’s a rough storm to weather.

We do it, but it’s not easy. We have our shares of disagreements, difficulties in wanting the same thing, and different rules.

We talk it out, and sometimes we just can’t work it out.

We have learned we need to be on the same page. If we are on different pages, it just doesn't work.
“We have learned we need to be on the same page. If we are on different pages, it just doesn’t work.”

At the end of the day, all those fights and disagreements are for the children. You have to put your personal feelings, wants, and issues aside.

We have learned we need to be on the same page. If we are on different pages, it just doesn’t work.

I always describe blending a family is like making a milkshake. You put all the

ingredients in the blender, and sometimes it blends smooth and other times it has chunks in it.

Blended family=A smooth and bumpy road

But the other day, when my stepson came home from his moms. He gave me the biggest hug, I mean he squeezed my ribs so hard. When he let go, he looked at me and said “I missed you” and then all those hard times melted away.

Those three words filled up my heart.

Megan Spiteri

Mom Blogger | Mother | Step Mom |

www.themothereffintruth.com

The Joys & Challenges Of Blending A Family

6 thoughts on “The Joys & Challenges Of Blending A Family

  • March 24, 2016 at 3:17 am
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    Beautifully said and written but then you are so talented and write from your heart. I was lucky in that when I became a “step” mom, “bio” mom was not very involved and rarely was in the picture. The first day I gave her an option of what to call me [basically left it up to her, she was 5 years old] and she just looked at me and said, “I guess mom because that’s what you are.” growing up, only one of her friends knew I was her stepmom. We never used the term “step” and when she referred to her birth mom, she called her “bio (biological) mom” but she never mentioned her in front of her friends. 33 years later, I am still “mom”, sometimes depending on their age, some people think my “grandsons” look like me or my side of the family, and I think of all the little things in life “bio” mom missed out on, first days of school, first date, wedding, births of the grandchildren…and everyday I thank God for bringing her into my life when I met her dad 36 years ago…

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  • March 24, 2016 at 2:59 am
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    Wow, what an awesome perspective! Thank you for sharing Megan. I love when moms tell all–it makes us all better

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  • March 24, 2016 at 2:34 am
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    I love the analogy of a blended family being like a milkshake! It’s so true and honest. The best thing to remember is that we do what we do for our children (step or not). Coming from my situation where my son has a step-mother I have learned to look at what is going on through his eyes. Its so wonderful that he has another person to love, care and be there for him ….sooooo …. I tell my self that every time there are “chunks” ruining our shake ; ) Parenting is rough enough but co-parenting and having to discuss, prepare, & review your decisions, plans and futures with someone that isn’t your spouse is frustrating and complicated. But again….it’s all for the child’s shake… I mean sake : ) Love and receive love and that’s what it’s all about.

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  • March 24, 2016 at 1:35 am
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    You are amazing and your kids (chunky or smooth:-) are so lucky to have you in their lives. Loved this perspective. I think step parents are incredible because they choose to love. Carry on amazing mama!

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  • March 24, 2016 at 12:16 am
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    Love! Love! Love! It take such commitment and love to choose this – It is a choice- and it takes work and time. Thank you.

    Reply
  • March 23, 2016 at 5:12 pm
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    I come from a blended family so this really hits home. I wish as child things were explained differently to me. Thank you Megan for this wonderful post and thank you Mom The Day for truly honoring ALL moms daily struggles and joys. Keep up the good work ladies!

    Reply

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